Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
