do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
