So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
