I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
