One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
