I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
