She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
