i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
