so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
