I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
