Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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