Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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