1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
