I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
