2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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