I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
