I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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