she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
