Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
