idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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