there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
