Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
