Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
