The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he fucked my hip out of place.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
