STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
two words...techno handjob
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
