One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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