I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
