He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
