Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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