you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
