i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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