it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
