Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
