i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
