break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
