hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dick very happy bro
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
