I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
