so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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