I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
