im about as happy as oj after his trial
we're making bets on your personal life
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
