Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
