drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They have beer where we have blood.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
