i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
