he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
