my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
