I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
