which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
