I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
