that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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