I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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