she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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