The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
