hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
