literally had 100 drinks last night.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
