I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
