He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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