Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
