She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
