dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
