We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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